Rebuilding trust in a marriage damaged by infidelities is very difficult. It will take time to sort out all of the feelings and emotional pain associated with this type of betrayal. Perhaps one spouse cheated, and the other decided to punish them by having their own affair. Then again, they could both have been having an affair and somehow, it all came to the surface. Regardless, trust is very hard to get back once it has been violated.
Outsiders looking in may consider the marriage doomed, and that they probably shouldn’t have married in the first place, since neither of them seemed capable of a monogamous relationship. However, outsiders cannot see into the heart, and what is in the heart will determine whether or not the trust can be rebuilt.
When it comes to the painful emotions associated with infidelity, heated arguments and discussions will ultimately ensue and are very necessary in order to release emotion and clear the air. Counseling is a good way to deal with these issues on a more mature level, but it has to be done whether it’s in a controlled environment, or outright shouting and fighting. Feelings need to be aired before forgiveness can be considered and trust can begin to rebuild.
When the couple reaches the point where everything that can be said has been said, and both have expressed their feelings, they move into a phase of guilt and uncertainty. The memories of what they once meant to one another flood in. The things they had planned together and the dreams they once shared are circling the drain. This is the time for a rational and honest discussion about how they feel towards each other, and what they each really want.
From this point on, if the couple realizes how close they came to terminating their relationship for good, and each of them sincerely wants a monogamous relationship, they can work toward rebuilding the trust. It will take time. They will face situations where one questions the other when they’re late for no apparent reason. Tempers will flare and painful memories will resurface. These are the consequences associated with infidelity, and they will pass as the trust builds.
Therefore, to rebuild trust in a marriage damaged by infidelities, the air must be cleared and painful emotion has to be released. Each will have to come to grips with what they have done and decide whether or not the marriage is worth saving. If they get to that phase and realize that it is worth saving, then yes, with time, trust can be rebuilt in a marriage damaged by infidelities.
If you’re suffering a marriage damaged by infidelity, counseling is very effective in helping couples come to terms with the situation. If you’re a Christian, remember that Jesus is The Mighty Counselor. Once we turn away from the sin and repent, he is quick to forgive and able to heal your wounds.
If you’re not a Christian, Jesus stands at the door of your heart.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Rev. 3:20)
Let him in. He wants to help you.
Related articles
- Rebuilding Trust After an Affair (peopleliferelationship.wordpress.com)
- Lizzie Widdicombe: Marriage counsellors’ advice for Weiner and Spitzer. (newyorker.com)
- Confronting cheating spouse’s lover: Readers’ views (daily-mail.co.zm)
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